GEORGELet me ask you a question. Who would win in a fight between you and me?
JERRYWell, what do you mean?
GEORGEWell if you and I ever got into, like a really serious fight you know, and the punches started flying -- who do you think would win?
JERRYWell I think that's pretty obvious.
GEORGEYeah. Me too.
JERRYHey Elaine.
ELAINEHey.
JERRYWho, who, who do you think would win in a fight between me and ah, gorgeous George here. (pointing up and down at George)
ELAINEYou mean in a real Fight Fight?
JERRYMona a Baldo .
ELAINEGeorge.
GEORGEAh-Ha! (he turns and walks over to the refrigerator)
JERRYWhy?
ELAINEGeorge fights dirty. (she sips her coffee)
JERRYReally? What would you do?
GEORGEPull hair, Poke eyes, Groin stuff. Whatever I gotta do. (he opens a blue bottled beverage)
JERRYHmm.
ELAINESo. Listen ... You're not doing anything tomorrow, are you? Because I have an extra ticket to the historical clothing exhibit at the Met.
JERRYIm sorry.
ELAINEGeorge?
GEORGEWould I want to see what Mary Todd wore to Lincoln's funeral?
ELAINEThere's nobody I can go with.
ELAINEYou know what. I don't have one female friend left.
KRAMEROh, no, of course you don't. You're a Man's Woman. You hate other women, and they hate you.
ELAINEThank you.
KRAMERSo Jerry, (smacks hands and rubs palms together) What time we going to the movies?
JERRYAh, how about 830?
KRAMERSaddle up and ride. (opens the fridge and pulls out some food -- takes a big bite)
JERRYYou want to get something to eat first?
KRAMER(mumbling with full mouth) No, Im good.
GEORGEI wonder if, ah, Susan ... (picks up the phone from the coffee table, then decides not to call) No. I better just go. (claps hands) heh. All right! See ya. (grabs his rain coat from the hook by the door and rushes out)
KRAMERThere's nothing more pathetic, than a grown man, whos afraid of a woman . (voice get high-pitched for the last line)
JERRYHey, why don't cha ask Susan?
ELAINEGeorge's Susan?
JERRYYeah.
ELAINEYeah. Why not Susan. I should be friends with Susan. (smacks her forehead with hand) Of course! Susan! Oh! OK, Ill see you guys. Huh. (rushes out the door.)
KRAMERThat's gunna be trouble.
JERRYWhy?
KRAMERJerry, don't you see? This world here, this is George's sanctuary. If Susan comes into contact with this world, his world's collide. You know what happens then?
KRAMERKa shha shha shha Pkooo (exploding sound)
KRAMERDid I tell you Im getting a new telephone number?
JERRYHow come?
KRAMERWhew, chicks man. Too many chicks know my number.
RAMON(recognizes Jerry) Hey Jerry. How are you Mr. Backstroke?
JERRYKramer this is Ramon, from the new health club I joined.
KRAMEROh, yeah.
RAMONSo you know what happened don't chu?
JERRYNo what?
RAMONI got fired.
JERRYReally?
RAMONYeah, said I put too much chlorine in the pool.
JERRYAhh.
RAMONHey well, ah, stay out of the deep end, eh.
JERRYOK, see you later.
KRAMERWhat's in the deep end?
GEORGEHello?
ELAINEHey George.
GEORGEHey Elainie. What's going on?
ELAINE(sitting up in bed) Nothing much, um. Can I talk to Susan
GEORGEHa, Yeah right, hang on, Ill ah, Ill get her for you. he, he, he, he. Seriously, what's up?
ELAINENo, George really. Can I talk to Susan?
GEORGESusan, why?
ELAINEBecause I want to ask her to lunch and to the Met tomorrow.
GEORGEOh, I don't think you want to do that.
ELAINEWhy not?
GEORGEWell what would be the point of that?
ELAINEGeorge, are you going to put her on the phone?
GEORGEWhere did this come from all of a sudden?
ELAINEGeorge, are you going to let me talk to Susan, or Not?
GEORGEI really think I should have been consulted about this.
GEORGEHere ... something.
SUSANHello? (with hesitant surprise) Oh, that sounds great. I love that sort of stuff.
KRAMERYou want to sit here?
JERRYYeah. (Kramer sits in the seat next to Jerry) Uh, uh, oh, oh, Over there. (points to the next seat over)
KRAMERWhy?
JERRYLittle buffer zone.
KRAMER(Quietly) Buffer zone (Kramer moves to the other seat)
JERRYThank you. If we were in my apartment and we were watching a movie on the couch, would we sit right next to each other?
KRAMERNo. You got a point.
JERRYAll right.
KRAMERI can't ...
JERRYWhat are you doing?
KRAMERWell these seats have no lumbar.
JERRYOh hey, there's Ramon. Pre, pretend we're talking.
KRAMERWe are talking.
JERRYPretend it's interesting.
KRAMERSo, ah then, I ah had to kill him and ah, well the police are still looking for me.
JERRYThat's shocking, but sounds ...
RAMONHey, hi Jerry.
JERRYOh, hey Ramon.
RAMONHey, hey, I took a bunch of napkins. You want some?
JERRYOh, no thanks. (turns back to Kramer)
RAMONHey, ahhh, is this seat taken?
JERRYNo.
JERRYAnd then the worst part is, after the movie, he leached on to us ... We wound up having coffee with him for like two hours. Then he walks us home, all the way back to the front of the building. Finally I said, look Ramon, I gotta go to bed now.
GEORGEBy the way, have you spoken to Elaine yet today?
JERRYNo why?
GEORGE(sighs) She called Susan last night.
JERRYOh yeah, I know.
GEORGEHow do you know?
JERRYWell it was my idea.
GEORGEYour idea?
JERRYYeah.
GEORGEWhad you do that for?
JERRYShe was looking for someone to go to the show with.
GEORGEWell that was a really stupid thing! You know what's going to happen now?
JERRYWorld's collide. (points at George)
GEORGEWhe ... Well yeah!
JERRYBecause this world is your sanctuary and if that world comes into contact with --
GEORGEYES! It Blows Up! If you knew that, what did you tell Elaine for?
JERRYI didnt know. Kramer told me about the worlds.
GEORGEYou couldn't figure out the World's Theory for yourself? It's just common sense. Anybody knows, ya gotta keep your worlds apart. (gesturing with hands going outward)
JERRYYeah, I guess I slipped up.
KRAMERHey.
GEORGEHey.
JERRYHey.
GEORGEHe knows the worlds theory.
KRAMERWhat is it blowing up?
GEORGEHa! (grabs his coat and exits the apartment)
KRAMERCosmo, go. No, no, na, na. (he pushes the end button and pushes the antenna down) Boy this new telephone number's driving me crazy -- wrong numbers, every five minutes.
JERRYWhat is it?
KRAMERWell it's 555-3455.
JERRY555-3455.
KRAMERYeah.
JERRY(picks up the phone on the coffee table) 555-3455. Well wait a second, don't you see that's 555-FILK.
KRAMERWhat's Filk?
JERRYFilks nothing, but 555-FILM is Movie Phone.
KRAMEROh Movie Phone.
JERRYYes, so people are just dialing it by mistake and getting you.
KRAMERSo, Im Filk?
JERRYYou're Filk.
KRAMEROh, Mama.
ELAINEWell what about that number Susan B. Anthony wore to the 19th Amendment party. Hnuh. Eye yye yye.
SUSANOh whoo. Quite the DColletage for a suffragette.
ELAINEHa, ha, ha, ha, well it must have been one hell of a party.
SUSANWhoo.
ELAINEHa, ha, ha, ha.
SUSANOh, I know what I wanted to tell you.
ELAINEWhat?
SUSANEhahh, forget it.
ELAINEWhat? You can tell me. Ill put it in the vault.
SUSANThe vault?
ELAINEMm-Hmm.
PAUL - Locker room Attendant #1Oy, Mr. Seinfeld. We heard you went to the movies with Ramon.
JERRYOh, well, I didnt actually go with Ramon. I just bumped into him there. (putting on coat)
DUSTIN - Locker room Attendant #2It's a good thing he has friends like you to cheer him up.
PAULTell him to call us.
DUSTINTell him, Dustin says, Hello.
JERRYAll right, I gotta go.
PAULTo see Ramon?
JERRYWhat else did you two do?
ELAINEOh, I don't know, you know, girlie stuff.
JERRYAh, so, ah, flower shows and, shopping for pretty bows, and then back to her place, strip down to bra and panties for a tickle fight?
ELAINEThat's really what you think girls do, isn't it?
JERRYYes, I do. (very serious)
ELAINEAll rightee. (turns and walks to the bathroom)
JERRYHey you know George isn't to happy, ahh, about your new friendship.
ELAINEYeah? Well I don't really give a Sh... (closing the bathroom door)
KRAMERHey man, what's going on?
JERRYHey.
KRAMEROoh, here we go. (pulls a cordless phone from his pocket) Yeah hello. Yeah, no, no, no, hold on.
KRAMERYeah, Cupids Rifle -- 830, Sony Lincoln Square. Yeah, no, no, no, no problem, yeah.
JERRYYou're looking up movies for people now?
KRAMERI got time.
KRAMERAnd this. (pulls out the cordless phone from his pocket) Cosmo here. Yeah, un-huh, no, no, no, no, Ill help. Yeah, Firestorms good. I saw it yesterday. Yeah well my buddy Jerry , ah, he's seen it twice. You want to talk to him? Here -- (holds the phone out to Jerry)
JERRY(shaking his head no) No Kramer I don't want to talk to him.
KRAMERJust, just tell him about the picture. What's the matter with you? Stop it. (puts the phone back to his ear) Yes, are you still there? Look Im sorry about that. All right there's an 830 and a 1015showing.
JERRYOh that's George. (presses the intercom button) Yeah?
RAMON(Hey it's Ramon)
JERRYWhat?
RAMON(Hey, It's Ramon Jerry. Im coming up)
JERRY(to Ramon) Oh. Okay. (to Elaine) Wh, what is he doing here?
ELAINEWho? Who is Ramon?
JERRYHe's the pool guy.
ELAINEWhat pool guy?
JERRYDo me a favor. Just stick around while he's here.
ELAINEYeah, no problem.
ELAINEYou know, you have the slowest elevator in the entire city? That's hard to get used to when you're in so many other fast ones.
JERRYWell, the apartment elevators are always slower than the offices, because you don't have to be home on time.
RAMONHee hey, hey Jerry (claps hands and points both index fingers at him) How are you, crazy guy?
JERRYHey. So, ah, Ramon this is my friend Elaine.
ELAINEYeah and I was just leaving. Bye-bye Jerry. (smiling as she closes the door. Jerry looks at her like he can not believe she left him on his own)
JERRYSo, ah, what are you doing around here Ramon?
RAMONWell, I was in the neighborhood. I figured Id check you out.
JERRYAh, actually, I ka, kinda had some things to do.
RAMONOh, oh yeah. Wha? Where you going?
JERRYAh, just, you know, I don't know. Stuff, I gotta do. (grabs coat and throws it over his shoulder)
RAMONHey that's cool. Im up for some stuff
JERRYAll right.
RAMONSo get this. I get down there, and right away, I see the drain is clogged. I mean it's obvious. Can you believe it?
JERRYAll right Ramon, Im going to get going.
JERRYI think we should separate here actually.
RAMONWhat are you trying to say Jerry?
JERRYLook Ramon, you're, you're a nice guy. But I, I actually only have three friends. I really can't handle any more.
RAMONOh I see. It's cause I clean pools, right?
JERRYThat has nothing to do with it.
RAMONYou su -- (no audio) (through the moving subway window, Ramon is swearing and pointing at Jerry)
SUSANYeah, we got along real well.
GEORGEYou know, uh, she has no female friends! You know that, don't cha? Something strange about a woman whos friends are all men.
SUSANYeah, I know. We talked all about that.
GEORGEYou talked all about that?
SUSANOh yeah. Elaine opened up her vault.
GEORGEDid you just say vault?
SUSANYeah, why? Did I use it wrong?
GEORGEYou got that from Elaine.
SUSANYeah. So what?
GEORGEWell it's a little strange. You going to start to talk like Elaine from now on?
SUSANI don't know. Anyway I thought we'd all go to a movie on Friday.
GEORGEWed all go to movie on Friday?
SUSANYeah.
GEORGEThis is not good. World's are colliding! George is getting upset!
GEORGEAh you have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world, then George Costanza as you know him, Ceases to Exist! You see, right now, I have Relationship George, but there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with -- Movie George, Coffee shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George.
JERRYI, I love that George.
GEORGEMe Too! And he's Dying Jerry! If Relationship George walks through this door, he will Kill Independent George! A George, divided against itself, Cannot Stand!
GEORGEYou're Killing Independent George! You know that, don't you?
ELAINEGeorge I don't even want to get --
GEORGEYou know what word Susan used last night? Hnuh. Vault! hu,
ELAINESo?
GEORGEShe got that from you!
ELAINEWell, I didnt tell here to say it.
GEORGEIs she the only girl in the whole world? Why can't you get find your own girl?
ELAINEI Like Her!
GEORGEYou see (to Jerry). You see. You see what Im talking about. It's all just slipping away. And you're letting it happen. (exits -- slamming the door)
JERRYSo you want to catch a movie later?
ELAINEAhh, yeah, sure.
JERRYI don't have a paper though.
ELAINEHmm. (picks up the phone and dials)
KRAMERHewwo and welcome to Movie phone. Brought to you by the New York Times and Hot 97. Coming to theaters this Friday ... Kevin Bacon, Susan Sarandon -- You've got to get me over that mountain! Now (bang, bang) AHHHHHHHHHH There is no place higher than ... Mountain High . Rated R. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1.
ELAINEKramer, is that you?
KRAMERElaine?
ELAINEUh, what time does Chow Fun start?
KRAMERI don't know.
RAMONWell, well. Look whos here.
JERRYRamon, what are you doing here? You could get in trouble.
RAMONNo, I don't think so Jerry. You see they gave me my job back.
JERRYWhat?
RAMONIm a pool boy ... again.
JERRYLook Ramon, about the other day. Im sorry if I offended you. I get a little crabby on the subway.
RAMONDo you?
JERRYWhat happened to all the towels?
RAMONOh, ah, I guess they must have disappeared. (walks away)
NEWMANHey Jerry. Look at all the towels they gave me! I really hit the jackpot! (holding a large stack of towels, Newman pats his face with the top one) Ha, ha, ha.
JERRYIt's been a terrible situation down there the past couple of days. He's really been making things uncomfortable for me. There's always a big pile of dirty towels in front of my locker ...
ELAINEUh-huh.
JERRYAnd then when I come out of the pool, my towel's always gone.
ELAINEUhh, so frustrating!
JERRYTell me about it.
ELAINEUhh, so you want to join me and Susan for lunch at the coffee shop?
JERRYYou're meeting Susan for lunch at the coffee shop?
ELAINEYeah.
JERRYIm meeting George for lunch at the coffee shop.
ELAINEOh, huh. Well, this should be very interesting.
SUSANHey! Elaine! Jerry. Over here!
KRAMERThere they are.
SUSANYeah, look who I ran into.
KRAMERHey.
ELAINEYeah. (sits down next to Susan)
KRAMERYeah.
ELAINEAhh.
KRAMERCome on Jerry. Aren't you going to join us?
JERRYAh, you know. Im supposed to meet, eh, someone -- Ill, Ill wait for them outside. (walks towards the door)
KRAMERYeah, wait here. Come on, sit down. What's the matter with you?
JERRYThis is gonna to be ugly. (quietly)
SUSANWhat's that Jerry?
JERRY(coughing) I said, boy am I ugly.
SUSANOh, hey, hey, Georgie boy, over here.
GEORGEOne, two ... three, four.
GEORGEHa Ho! (he turns and walks out the door)
SUSANHey George!
JERRYWe'll pull up another chair.
JERRYI see you there Ramon.
JERRYHey, lll just keep swimming. Hey, hey. Im not done. I know what you're up to Ramon. Because Im a member here, this is my place to swim.
JERRYHey, you better cut it out Ramon. Just stop it.
RAMONOh.
NEWMANOlly, olly, oxen, free!
JERRY(NO!)
JERRYI think he's gonna need, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
NEWMANMouth-to-mouth?
JERRYYeah.
NEWMANHuh.
JERRYWell? Go ahead.
NEWMANYou go.
JERRYYou knocked him out.
NEWMANYeah, but you pulled him in.
JERRYCome on Newman. Do it.
NEWMANNah.
JERRYHe might die.
NEWMANYeah. Maybe.
ELAINE(on the phone to) Look Jerry, we'll meet you at the theater. (hangs up the phone) OK, next showings at 900, we can't wait any longer.
SUSANElaine, where could he be? It's not like George to just disappear.
ELAINELook, let's just leave him a note, okay?
SUSANOh, I don't know.
ELAINEOh, come on, come on, come on. (picks up pad of paper and writes) George, Elaine and I went to see Chunnel ... with Jerry. Love?
SUSANYeah.
ELAINELove ... Susan.
JERRYSo eventually these people came and, somebody, gave him mouth-to-mouth.
ELAINEHe could have died
JERRYYeah, it was a gamble.
SUSANWhy didnt you give him mouth-to-mouth?
JERRYAh. (makes face)
ELAINEHow can you possibly show your face there again?
JERRYOh I can't. They revoked my membership. Newman too. You know, we can't go anywhere near there.
ELAINEHi, ah, three for Chunnel -- two adults ... one child. (looking towards Jerry)
GEORGEWhat the hell is this? George, Elaine and I went to see Chunnel ... with Jerry. With Jerry, huh? With Jerry! Great. Great! (dials phone) Probably went to the 84th St. That's where I always go with Jerry.
KRAMERHewwo and welcome to Movie phone. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press one.
GEORGECome on. Come on.
KRAMERUsing your touch-tone keypad, please enter the first three letters of the movie title, now.
KRAMERYou've selected ... Agent Zero? If that's correct, press one.
GEORGEWhat?
KRAMERAh, you've selected ... Brown-Eyed Girl? If this is correct, press one.
KRAMERWhy don't you just tell me the name of the movie you've selected.
GEORGEChunnel ?
KRAMERTo find the theater nearest you, please enter your five digit zip-code, now.
KRAMERWhy don't you just tell me where you want to see the movie?
GEORGELowes Paragon, 84th and Broadway.
KRAMER(picks up paper) Chunnel , is playing at the Paragon 84th Street cinema in the main theater at 930 PM.
GEORGEYeah, now I gotcha! (hangs up the phone and rushes out the door)
KRAMERIt's also playing in theater number two at 900.
GEORGEJerry ... Where are you? I know you like to sit back here. Elaine! Susan!
MOVIE PATRONSHH!
(from the movie we hear this dialogueThe English Channel Tunnel, Chunnel, runs 32.3 miles, with two openings. One here, in England and another one here, in France. That's all we got. Thank you for your time gentlemen. Can I ask you a question Mr. McKittrick. -- it's a bit hard to hear the movie dialogue, as we are supposed to be focused on George, but I was able to make out most of it)
JERRYI can't figure out what's going on here. I can't follow the plot. Why did they kill that guy? I thought he was with them?
SUSANNo, no. That's not the guy. That's a different guy.
JERRYWhat is he doing in the Chunnel?
SUSANWould you two, Please?
(again, from the movie we hear this dialogueLet me tell you something about the Chunnel, Mr. Thane. That our only freeway is adept. (inaudible) Elaine Brookstone will get the money bag (inaudible) Not as long as I have these long stickers. Find him and Kill him! I don't care if we have to turn this Chunnel upside down! Find Him! Everybody out of the Chunnel! Everybody out! The Chunnels gonna blow! AHHHHHH (Explosion)
GEORGESusan! Jerry! Where are you? I know you're there! Answer me!
MOVIE PATRON(Hey, sit down!)
GEORGEHey. Hey. Answer me! Come on, show yourselves!
MOVIE PATRON(Hey, we're trying to watch a movie here!)
GEORGEDrink your soda! Come on! I know you're there, laughing at me. Laughing and lying and laughing! I had to go to Reggies, Jerry! Reggies!
MOVIE PATRON(Move it off of there!)
GEORGEWhere are you!
2nd MOVIE PATRON(Hey are you sure you got the right theater?)
GEORGEYeah, yeah, yeah. Chunnel . Susan!
2nd MOVIE PATRON(It's playing in two theaters.)
GEORGETwo theaters?
2nd MOVIE PATRON(Yeah, there's a 900 too.)
GEORGEOh. Sorry.
(once again, from the movie we hear this dialogueThere's something else, your ex-wife. Alexandra? She's in France, Im telling ya. No, she's in the Chunnel. The Chunnel? No! Mr. President, Im sorry to disturb you. What is it? There's something about the Chunnel. Oh? (inaudible) And that means your daughter is in the Chunnel. Somewhere between France and ... (inaudible)
ELAINEI thought that was pretty good, huh?
JERRYWhad you think Susan?
SUSANOh, I don't know. I couldn't hear anything. You, you talked the whole movie.
ELAINEOh, well come on. You want to go grab a bite to eat?
JERRYYeah.
SUSANAh, no. I don't think so.
ELAINEWhy not?
SUSANWell you know, all you guys ever do is sit around the coffee shop talking, sit around Jerry's apartment talking. Frankly, I don't know how you can stand it. Ill see you.
GEORGEI know they're in there, the three of them, laughing at me. Together, laughing and lying.
USHERLet's go pal.
GEORGEThey're -- They're killing independent George! And they're, they're all in on it! World's are colliding!
[Outside Kramers apartment door5B A partial view of a man's face and his hand knocks 3 times on the door.]
MOVIE PHONE GUYHello, and welcome to your worst nightmare.
MOVIE PHONE GUY(cont) I know your in there, Cosmo Kramer, Apartment 5B. You're in big trouble, Now. You've been sealing my business. If you'd like to do this the easy way, open the door, Now. Or, please select the number of seconds, you'd like to wait, before I break this door down. Please select Now.