JERRYSo, does he like you?
ELAINEWhat do you think?
JERRYYou like him?
ELAINEYeah, yeah like him, definitely like him. I like him a lot.
GEORGESo, what's wrong with him?
ELAINENothing, and I've looked.
GEORGEWell, I'm sure you'll find something.
JERRYSo, how did you meet him?
ELAINEIn the office.
JERRYSo, he's a writer.
ELAINEYeah.
JERRYYeah, big surprise.
ELAINESo, I was sitting at the reception desk, I was looking pretty hot. I was wearing my sling back pumps.
GEORGEWhat are those?
ELAINEAsk your mother, (making fun of George's living situation) you live with her now, don't you? Anyway, so then this guy comes up to me and starts feeling my jacket through his thumb and his forefinger like this.
JERRYSo, what did you do?
ELAINEI said "So, what do you think?". And he said, "Gabardine?". And I said, "Yeah." That was it.
GEORGEWow, just felt your material?
ELAINEYeah...Jake Jarmel.
GEORGESounds like a cool guy.
JERRYSounds like a jerk. Felt your material, come on.
GEORGEJerry, where did you get that sweater?
JERRYOh, what do you think? I found it at the back of my closet.
GEORGEI think that's what the back of closets are for.
ELAINEHey, that's Barry. Look it's Barry. (taps on the window)
JERRY(taps on the window) Hey...
ELAINEHi.
GEORGEWho's that?
JERRYThat's Barry Prophet, he's our accountant.
GEORGEI don't know how you can let this guy handle all your money.
ELAINEOh, he doesn't handle my money, he handles Jerry's money. He just does my taxes.
JERRYHey Barry, how you doing?
BARRYHey, how are you?
JERRYThis is my friend George.
BARRYHi George. (shakes George's hand)
ELAINEHi, what are you doing on this neighborhood?
BARRYNothing really. (sniffs; looks around) You, eh, you eat here?
JERRYYeah, so how's my money?
BARRYWell it's still green. (sniffs twice)
JERRYWhat, you got a cold?
BARRYNo, no.
ELAINEWow, look at that ring.
BARRY(showing off the ring to Elaine) Oh, uh you like that? (Elaine not amused gives Barry a polite laugh; Barry sniffs) Say uh, where's the bathroom?
JERRYBathroom uh, bathroom's uh right over there.
BARRY(turns looking in the direction Jerry mentioned) Oh, great.
JERRYDid you see that?
ELAINESee what?
GEORGEYes, I saw that.
ELAINEWhat?
JERRYWhat was all that sniffing?
ELAINEI don't know.
JERRYYou don't think...?
ELAINEOh, no! Come on Jerry.
GEORGEHe was definitely sniffing.
JERRYI mean what if, what if, this this guy has got all my money. Plus he has got some Kramer's money with him. This guy could write checks to himself right out of my account.
ELAINENo, I have known this guy since college. He doesn't do drugs.
JERRYThen, what was all that sniffing?
ELAINEMaybe it's the cold weather.
JERRYToday's not cold.
GEORGEAll right, I gotta get going. My parents are expecting me.
ELAINE(making fun of George as he leaves) Don't forget to wash your hands before supper.
FRANKWhy do you need all that ketchup for?
GEORGEThis is my ketchup. I bought this ketchup just so I could have as much as I want.
FRANKSo I, I talked to Phil Casacof today.
ESTELLEPhil Casacof?
FRANKYeah, you know my friend, the bra salesman. He says they are looking maybe to put somebody on so I got you an interview next Friday with his boss.
GEORGENext Friday, what time?
FRANK2 o'clock.
GEORGEThat's my whole afternoon! I was going to look for sneakers.
FRANKYou can look for sneakers the next day!
ESTELLEHe doesn't know anything about bras.
GEORGEI know a little. Besides, what do you have to know?
FRANKWell, it wouldn't hurt to go in the and be able to discuss it intelligently. Maybe you should take a look at a few bras? (to Estelle) Where is you bra? Give him a bra to look.
ESTELLEI am not giving him a bra.
FRANKWhy not?
ESTELLEBecause I don't need him looking at my bra.
FRANKWhy, so he'll go to the interview and he wouldn't know what he's talking about!?!
GEORGEDo we have to...?
FRANKYou don't even know what they're made from.
GEORGEThey are made from lycra-spandex.
FRANKGet out of here! Lycra-spandex?
ESTELLEI think they are made from lycra-spandex.
FRANKWanna bet? How much you wanna bet?
ESTELLEI'm not betting!
FRANKTake a look.
ESTELLEAll right, I'll get a bra.
FRANK(Yelling to Estelle as she leaves)I don't know what the big problem is getting a bra?!
GEORGEShe doesn't want to get a bra.
FRANKI'm not saying go to the library and read the whole history, but it wouldn't kill you to know a little bit about it.
GEORGEAll right, it wouldn't kill me.
FRANKHow long it takes to find a bra? What's going on in there? You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I'm back in two seconds...you know about the uh cup sizes and all? They have different cups.
GEORGEYea I-I know about the cups.
FRANKYou got the A, the B, the C and the D. That's the biggest.
GEORGEI know the D is the biggest. I've based my whole life on knowing that the D is the biggest.
ESTELLEHere, here's the bra.
FRANKLet me see it.
ESTELLE(reading the bra) 100% lycra-spandex.
FRANKLet me see it.
ESTELLEI told you. Here, think you know everything?
FRANKHmm, that's surprising. All right, what else? You got the cups in the front, two loops in the back. All right, a guess that's about it.
GEORGEI got it. Cups in the front, loops in the back. (puts the bra on the table)
ESTELLEYou got ketchup on it!
KRAMERSniffing, what do you mean sniffing?
JERRYSniffing, with his nose.
KRAMERJerry, he probably had a cold.
JERRYNo, I asked him.
KRAMERSo, what are you saying?
JERRYI don't know, you know, what if...?
KRAMERDrugs? You think he's on drugs?
JERRYI don't know.
KRAMERJerry
JERRYAll I know he was sniffing.
KRAMERListen, we went in on a CD together.
JERRYI know.
KRAMERAnd Newman gave you money too. So, I didn't even meet this guy. You know, we trusted you.
JERRYLook, it doesn't necessarily mean anything yet, it just means he was sniffing.
KRAMERWell, what else? Was he nervous? Did he use a lot of slang? Did he use the word 'man'?
JERRYNo, he didn't use 'man'.
KRAMERI mean when he was leaving did he say "I'm splittin'"?
JERRYNo, but in one point he did use the bathroom.
KRAMERWhoh!
JERRYDo you think that's a bad sign?
KRAMERYes!! Yes, that's what they do! They live in the bathroom! All right, what are we going to do? We are going to get our money back, right?
JERRYI don't know. (takes off his sweater) This sweater really itches me. You want it?
KRAMER(grabbing the sweater) Yeah.
ELAINEHello.... hello, oh...
JAKEWell, you notice anything?
ELAINEYou have cleaned out the whole apartment and you're making dinner. You're perfect, you're a perfect man.
JAKEOoh...
ELAINEDid anyone call?
JAKEYou got a few messages, I wrote them down.
ELAINEWhere are they?
JAKELets see, they are (looking for the paper; finds it; hands it to Elaine) here they are.
ELAINEThank you. (looking at the messages) Oh ya, heh, I'll call you back. Ooh, Myra had the baby! Oh, my God that's wonderful! Who called?
JAKEShe did.
ELAINEShe did? Oh, that's so great!
JAKEWhere do you keep the corkscrew?
ELAINEIn the drawer on the right. Hmm...
JAKEWhat?
ELAINENah it's nothing.
JAKEWhat is it?
ELAINEIt's nothing.
JAKETell me.
ELAINEWell, I was just curious why you didn't use an exclamation point?
JAKEWhat are you talking about?
ELAINESee, right here you wrote "Myra had the baby", but you didn't use an exclamation point.
JAKESo?
ELAINESo, it's ya nothing. Forget it, forget it, I just find it curious.
JAKEWhat's so curious about it?
ELAINEWell, I mean if one of your close friends had a baby and I left you a message about it, I would use an exclamation point.
JAKEWell, maybe I don't use my exclamation points as haphazardly as you do.
ELAINEYou don't think that someone having a baby warrants an exclamation point.
JAKEHey look, I just chalked down the message. I didn't know I was required to capture the mood of each caller.
ELAINEI just thought you would be a little more excited about a friend of mine having a baby.
JAKEOk, I'm excited. I just don't happen to like exclamation points.
ELAINEWell, you know Jake, you should learn to use them. Like the way I'm talking right now, I would put an exclamation points at the end of all these sentences! On this one! And on that one!
JAKEWell, you can put one on this one I'm leaving!
JERRYYou're out of your mind you know that.
ELAINEWhy?
JERRYIt's an exclamation point! It's a line with a dot under it.
ELAINEWell, I felt a call for one.
JERRYA call for one, you know I thought I've heard everything. I've never heard a relationship being affected by a punctuation.
ELAINEI found it very troubling that he didn't use one.
JERRYGeorge was right. Didn't take you long.
KRAMERAnything new with that guy on drugs?
ELAINEOh, he's not on drugs.
KRAMERThen why the sniffing? Who walks around (sniff, sniff) sniffing?
ELAINEAll right, here, you call him right now. See if he's sniffing right now.
JERRYGood idea. (Jerry calls Barry's office)
VOICE ON THE PHONEProphet and Goldstein.
JERRYYes, I'd like to speak to Barry Prophet, please.
VOICEI'm sorry he's out of town this week.
JERRYOut of town?
VOICEYes, he went to South America.
JERRYSouth America?
KRAMERSouth America?
JERRYI'll call back, thank you. (hangs up the phone) He went to South America!
KRAMERYyyeeaaah!!
ELAINESo what?
JERRYWho goes to South America?
ELAINEPeople go to South America.
JERRYYeah, and they come back with things taped to they're large intestine.
ELAINESo, because of a few bad apples you're gonna impugn an entire continent?
JERRYYes, I'm impugning a continent.
KRAMERWell, I say we're going to take our money right now!
NEWMANHey, hey...
JERRYHello Newman.
NEWMANHello Jerry. (to Kramer) So, any news?
KRAMERYeah, he skipped out and *ptruut* went to South America!
NEWMANSouth America?! (to Jerry) What kind of snow blower you get us mixed up with?
ELAINELook it, gentlemen. The fact remains you still have no proof. This is all speculation and hearsay.
KRAMERWait, there is one way to find out. We set up a sting. You know like Abscam. Like Abscam Jerry.
ELAINEOhh, what are you gonna do? You gonna put on phony beards and dress-up like Arab sheiks and sit around in some hotel room. I mean come on...
JERRYWait a second. Maybe there is someway we can tempt him and find out...
NEWMANIf we put our three heads together we should come up with something.
KRAMERWhat's today?
NEWMANIt's Thursday.
KRAMERReally? Feels like Tuesday.
NEWMANTuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel....
KRAMERI feel Tuesday and Wednesday...
JERRYAll right, shut up the both of you! You're making me nervous. Where is he already? He should've been out of work by now.
NEWMANHey, you know this is kind of fun.
KRAMERYeah, maybe we oughta become private detectives...
JERRYYeah maybe you should.
KRAMERMaybe I will.
NEWMANYeah, me too.
JERRYAll right, what are you gonna say to him?
KRAMERJust gonna find out if he's interested.
NEWMANHey, hey maybe I should go with him?
JERRYNo, you stay here in the car.
NEWMANWho made you the leader?
JERRYAll right Newman, one more peep outta you, you're out of the whole operation!
NEWMANAlright.
JERRYThere he is. He's going into that bar.
KRAMERAll right, I'm going in.
JERRYBe careful Kramer.
NEWMANI shoulda gone in with him.
JERRYNo, you stay here in the car. I may need you.
NEWMANWhat you need me in the car for?
JERRYI might need you to get me a soda.
KRAMERI'll have a brewsky, Charlie.
BARTENDERThe name's Mitch.
KRAMEROh, there's nothing like a cold one after a long day, eh?
BARRYYeah.
KRAMEROh yeah, I've been known to drink a beer or two. But then again, I've been known to do a lot of things. (Waiter opens the counter which hits Kramer on the head) Cigarette?
BARRY(sniffs) No, I never touch them.
KRAMERI suck'em down like Coca-Cola. Well here's to feeling good all the time. (Kramer drinks the beer and smokes the cigarette at the same time. Barry sniffs) Looks like you've got yourself a little cold there, eh fella?
BARRYI don't think so.
KRAMERMe neither.
JERRYYou should try this new dental floss Glide, it's fantastic.
NEWMANI use dental tape.
JERRYYou should try this.
NEWMANI don't wanna.
JERRYNot even once?
NEWMANNo.
JERRYYou're an idiot.
NEWMANWhy, because I use dental tape?
JERRYRight, anyone who uses dental tape is an idiot.
KRAMERSouth America?
BARRYYeah, yeah.
KRAMERWell that's a burgeoning continent.
BARRYWell, they are expanding their economic base.
KRAMERTell me about it.
BARRY(sniffs) Excuse me, I gotta goto the bathroom.
KRAMERI'm hip.
BARRYHip to the what?
KRAMERTo the whole scene. (sniff)
BARRYWhat scene?
KRAMERThe bathroom scene. (moves his knows as you would if you sniffed)
BARRYListen, don't take this personally, but when I'm coming back I'm sitting over there.
KRAMERWhat ever turns you on.
NEWMANNo, no I don't like it.
JERRYWhat do you mean you don't like it? How could you not like it?
NEWMANI like the thick tape.
BARRYHeeyy!! What kind of a nut are you?
FARKUSSo, basically George the job here is quite simple. Selling bras.
GEORGEWell, that interests me very much Mr. Farkus.Very much indeed, sir.
FARKUSHave you ever sold a woman's line before?
GEORGENo, but um I have very good report with women, very good, comfortable. And from the first time I laid eyes on a brassieres, I was enthralled.
FARKUSHum. tell me about it.
GEORGEWell, I was 14 years old. I was in my friends bathroom. His mother's brassieres were hanging on the shower rod and I picked it up, studied it. I thought, I like this. I didn't know what way or what level, but I knew I wanted to be around brassieres.
FARKUSThat's an incredible story. You have a remarkable passion for brassieres.
GEORGEWell, they're more than an underwear to me Mr. Farkus. Two cups in the front, two loops in the back. How do they do it?
FARKUSWell, I think I can say, barring some unforeseen incident, that you will have a very bright future here at E.D. Granmont.
GEORGEThank you Mr.Farkus, thank you very much indeed sir.
FARKUSSee you monday 9 o'clock.
GEORGEIf you don't mind, sir. I'll be here at 8.
FARKUSExcellent.
GEORGESo long, Mr. Farkus.
MS. DE GRANMONTWhat you're think you're doing?
GEORGEOh, nothing...
MS. DE GRANMONTFarkus, get out here!
FARKUSYes, Ms. De Granmont?
MS. DE GRANMONTFarkus, who is this pervert little weasel?
FARKUSUh, this is Costanza, he's our new bra salesman. (George's offers his hand to shake) He's supposed to start on monday.
MS. DE GRANMONTIf he's here on monday, you're not. Take a pick.
FARKUS(to George) Get out! (to Ms. De Granmont) I'm terribly sorry Ms. De Granmont...
ELAINEYou wanted to see me, Mr. Lippman?
LIPPMANI was just uh going over the Jake Jarmel book and I understand you worked with him very closely on this.
ELAINEYes (clears her throat) yes I did.
LIPPMANAnd uh, anyway I was just reading your final edit and um, there seems to be an inordinate number of exclamation points.
ELAINEUh well um, I felt that the writing lacked certain emotion and intensity.
LIPPMANAh, (reads an excerpt) "It was damp and chilly afternoon, so I decided to put on my sweatshirt!"
ELAINERight, well...
LIPPMANYou put exclamation point after sweatshirt?
ELAINEThat's that's correct, I-I felt that the character doesn't like to be ch-ch-chilly...
LIPPMANI see, (reads another excerpt) "I pulled the lever on the machine, but the Clark bar didn't come out!" Exclamation point?
ELAINEWell, yeah, you know how frustrating that can be when you keep putting quarters and quarters in to machine and then (prrt) nothing comes out...
LIPPMANGet rid of the exclamation points...
ELAINEOk, ok ok ...
LIPPMANI hate exclamation points...
ELAINE...ok I'll just....
JERRY'Dear Barry. Consider this letter to be official termination of our relationship effective immediately.'
KRAMERExclamation point.
ELAINEYou still have no proof.
KRAMERElaine, he was sniffing like crazy around me.
JERRY'I will expect all funds in form of cashier checks no later than the 18th'.
KRAMERDouble exclamation point!
NEWMANWill that take care of ours too?
JERRYYeah, I'll give you yours as soon as I get my money back.
NEWMANHey, you want me to mail it? I'm on my way out anyway.
JERRYYeah, thanks.
NEWMANIt'll be my pleasure.
NEWMANSee'ya later.
JERRYYou know this...
KRAMERHey, Ralph.
JERRYHi Ralph.
RALPHWhat's up fellas? That'll be 14.30.
JERRYAll right.
KRAMERMushrooms, you got mushrooms Jerry?
JERRYYeah.
KRAMERWhat's the matter? You've got a cold?
RALPHNo man (sniffs again) Kramer, what is this?
KRAMERIt's a sweater.
RALPHWhat is it made out of?
KRAMERI don't know, Jerry gave it to me.
JERRYMohair, I think.
RALPHMohair, that figures, I'm allergic to mohair.
JERRYYou mean you just started sniffing?
RALPHYeah, mohair does it to me every time.
JERRYI was wearing that sweater in the coffee shop when Barry came in.
KRAMERJerry, I was wearing it in the bar.
ELAINEThe sweater! The sweater made him sniff! See, I told you he wasn't a drug addict.
JERRYOh no! The letter, Newman, it's got exclamation points all over it!
KRAMERNot to mention the picture of him on the toilet.
JERRYThe what??
NEWMANAfter you.
WOMANThank you.
WOMANGet your hands off of me! Johnny!!! Johnny!
FRANKWhat do you mean you felt the material? What, with your fingers like this?
GEORGESo what, what is so bad about that?
ESTELLEWho goes around feeling people's material? What can be gained by feeling a person's material? It's insanity!
FRANKWhat ever happened to "Why, that's a lovely dress you have on. May I have this dance?"!!
ELAINEYou are really lucky Newman never mailed that letter.
JERRYSorry I'm late, I just came from a meeting with my lawyer.
ELAINEWhat is this?
JERRYIt's a letter from your friend Barry Prophet's lawyer.
ELAINEHe is filing a chapter eleven. Why, what's going on, why is he filing a chapter eleven?
JERRYBankruptcy, bankruptcy...as in I've taken your money and spent it on drugs!
ELAINEWhat do you mean, I thought it was the sweater.
KRAMERAll right, What about the money?
JERRYWhat about the money? Apparently if I had dissolved my relationship with him prior to his filing chapter eleven, I've could've got the money back. Which I would've done, if a certain imbecile had been able to get to a mailbox and mail a letter!!
NEWMANPair of bear claws, please.
WOMANNice.
JERRYThink so?
WOMANYeah, what is it?
JERRYHalf silk, half cotton, half linen. How can you go wrong?