ELAINEYou know it's bad enough you have a car phone, you have to use the speaker?
JERRYIt's safer! Plus it's more annoying to the other person.
JERRYOh look at this guy.
ELAINEWhat's goin' on?
JERRYOh there's a guy trying to get in front of me, he has to ask permission. Yes. Go ahead. Get in, get in.
ELAINEDid you get a thank you wave?
JERRYNo, nothing. How could you not give a thank you wave? Hey buddy! Where's my thank you wave?
JERRYGive me that wave!
ELAINEJerry, are you free on Friday?
JERRYYeah, I'm free, why?
ELAINEAh, God, I bumped into Robin Sandusky today, she asked me to have dinner with her and her husband.
JERRYOh my God! You won't believe what I just saw! A car just bashed into a parked car, and sped off, right on my block!
ELAINEYou gotta follow that car!
JERRYWhat?
ELAINEYou can't let him get away with that!
JERRYElaine, the guy could be dangerous.
ELAINEWhat are you, yellow?
JERRYI'm not yella. (In a cowboy voice)
ELAINEJerry, if you don't follow him, you're yella.
JERRYWait, he stopped, he's parking.
ELAINEWhat? What? I can't hear you. Jerry?
JERRYUh, excuse me, uh, I was uh, driving behind you, uh, a few blocks back, and I, I couldn't help, uh, maybe you didn't realize, uh, I witnessed that, uh, um, you're tire's a little low. That can affect the performance of the twin high-beam suspension, not to mention your rack and pinion steering.
JERRYSo I wound up going out for a decaf cappuccino with her.
GEORGEBoy! What a story! I'm speechless. Speechless. I have no speech.
JERRYYou know, I really liked her. We talked. We flirted. And when she left, she reached out and touched my arm.
JERRYHe, he, he. (Simulating her feminine laugh)
GEORGEI love when they touch your arm. I can't get enough of that. Why is that?
JERRYLet's not even analyze it.
GEORGESo you didn't turn her in?
JERRYI wanted to but I couldn't go through with it.
GEORGEGonna see her again?
JERRYFriday night.
JERRYYep.
ELAINEIt's me!
JERRYCome on up.
JERRYBy the way, Elaine does not need to know about anything.
GEORGEHey, hey, hey! I dig.
JERRYOh, you dig?
GEORGEYes! I see enormous potential here.
JERRYWhy?
GEORGEBecause great couples always have a great story about how they met. That's why I've never been in a long term relationship. I've never had a good meeting story.
JERRYI wonder if I'm nuts for pursuing this woman at all.
GEORGEI don't think so.
JERRYLook, she slammed into a parked car! She took no responsibility for mutilating the property of a stranger, then she sped off like a criminal!
JERRYOn the other hand, does that mean she should never be allowed to date again? You scratch one car and you're forbidden to have social contact for the rest of your life?!
JERRYWhat am I drinking, milk?
ELAINEHey!
JERRYHi.
ELAINESweater.
JERRYThank you.
ELAINESo? What happened?
JERRYWith that?
ELAINEWith the car!
JERRYWhat car?
ELAINEThe hit and run!
JERRYOh, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, the hit and run. Well. Actually, the guy went into Queens.
ELAINEQueens?! You followed him over the bridge?
JERRYOver the bridge. (Making a pointing motion with his hand)
GEORGEOh, well I didn't know you went into Queens Jerry.
JERRYYeah, Queens.
ELAINESo? Then what?
JERRYSo he gets out of the car, I say, "Hey buddy! I saw you hit that car!" So he says to me, "What are ya gonna do about it?"
JERRYSo I said to him, "Whatever's necessary."
ELAINEI am speechless. I am without speech.
GEORGETell her about the shoving.
JERRYWhat?
ELAINEWhat shoving?!
JERRYOh, it was nothing.
GEORGENo! Tell her.
JERRYWell he kinda lost his temper, and he was pushing me up against the car. So I went into a karate stance. (Jerry assumes karate position and does two punches)
ELAINEYou know karate??
JERRYI know a little.
ELAINEWell, this is so, amazing to me! Jerry what did do?
JERRYHe backed off. Pretty pathetic actually.
KRAMERHey! (Group does likewise)
ELAINEDid you tell Kramer?
JERRYAh, nah! (Waving his hand and walking away)
KRAMERWhat? What? What? Tell me.
ELAINEJerry saw this guy crash into a car, and he followed him.
KRAMERGood for you! What kind of a sick lowlife would do a thing like that? You know those people, you know they're mentally disturbed. (Pointing a finger at Jerry)
KRAMERThey should be sent to Australia.
JERRYAustralia?
KRAMERYeah, yeah, that's where England used to send their convicts.
JERRYBut not anymore.
KRAMERNo.
ELAINEHey Kramer, Kramer!
KRAMERYeah?
ELAINEWhat happened to you right here? (She pointing to her forehead)
KRAMERI don't know!
KRAMERYou know I was watching Entertainment Tonight, and uh, suddenly I got dizzy. And the next thing I know I hit my head on the coffee table.
ELAINEWell, that is, that is strange.
KRAMERYep. (Mumbles off)
ELAINEAlright, oh Jerry, we're still on for Friday night, right?
JERRYOh Friday, I can't, I'm sorry, I have a date.
ELAINEBut last night you said you were free! (Sounding very disappointed)
JERRYWe just met.
KRAMERMaybe it was a reaction to the sardines.
ELAINEBut I, I can't go alone!
JERRYAsk George to go with you.
ELAINEGeorge, come on! I'll pay for you.
GEORGEYou'll pay? I'm there.
JERRYWhy do you even need anybody?
ELAINEBecause I hate being at a table alone, with a married couple. Talking about their married friends, and their married furniture. They're always trying to make me feel like their life is so much better than mine. You know, I have a very exciting life. It's very exciting. (As she's closing the door to leave)
ROBINYou went out with a bullfighter?
ELAINEYes, well, an ex-bullfighter now.
MICHAELWow.
ROBINWhat was his name?
ELAINEHis name? Name, um, his name was uh, uh, Eduardo Carochio.
GEORGEPass the salt please.
ROBINWhere did you meet him?
ELAINEUm, actually, I met him in Switzerland, and he was fighting uh, is that the word they use? Fighting? Because they don't really fight the bull, they avoid fighting the bull.
GEORGEBread.
ELAINEI just love meeting new people. You know that's how you really do learn about life.
GEORGEGod bless you.
ROBINThank you.
GEORGEI wasn't going to say anything, but then I could see that he wasn't going to open his mouth. (Chuckles)
WOMANYou know who's a good actor? Anthony Quinn.
JERRYOh, Anthony Quinn, fine actor. But from what I understand, not a very good driver. Hits everything on the road. But always leaves a note.
WOMANDid you ever see Zorba the Greek?
JERRYExcellent film. In fact Quinn said he never felt so good as when he left a note after smacking into a car.
WOMANCome here. (moves in for a kiss)
GEORGEReally, I was, I was only kidding around.
ROBINHe was only joking Michael.
MICHAELYou think you're so damn special because you say 'God bless you'?
GEORGENo, no, I don't think I'm special. My mother always said I'm not special.
ROBINHe was only joking Michael! Sorry.
MICHAELAll right! Take his side!
ROBINI am not taking his side.
MICHAELWell who's side are you taking?!
ROBINWell I'm not taking your side!
JERRYKirk Douglas. Now there's another very bad driver. But he's such an unbelievable guy, that when he hits someone, he doesn't even leave a note. He sits in his car and waits for the other person to show up so he can exchange license, registration, and apologize.
GEORGEI said 'God bless you'. Was that so wrong?
JERRYThe question is, did you allow a space for the husband to come in with his 'God bless you'? Because as the husband, he has the right to first refusal.
ELAINEIt's me.
JERRYCome on up.
GEORGEYes, yes, I definitely waited. But let me say this Once he passes on that option, that 'God bless you' is up for grabs.
JERRYNo argument. Unless, she's one of these multiple sneezers, and he's holding his 'God bless you' in abeyance, until she completes the series.
GEORGEWell I don't think she is a multiple sneezer, because she sneezed again later, and it was also a single.
JERRYWhat if she's having an off night?
ELAINEHi!
JERRYHi.
ELAINEWell! If it isn't mister gesuntheit!
GEORGEOh ya, like there's something wrong with saying 'God bless you'. I was raised to say 'God bless you'.
GEORGEAh, shut up.
ELAINEWhat does it mean anyway? 'God bless you'. It's a stupid 'stuperstition'.
JERRYA stupid what?
ELAINEWhatever.
JERRYYou know, if you want to make a person feel better after they sneeze, you shouldn't say 'God bless you', you should say, 'You're soo good lookin''.
ELAINEYeah, yeah, that's better than 'God bless you'. Anyway, she left a message on my machine, she wants you to call her.
GEORGEWho?
ELAINERobin!
GEORGEWhy?!
ELAINEWell I assumed she called to apologize, that's why she called me.
JERRYEntertainment Tonight's on.
GEORGEWhere's the remote phone?
JERRYBedroom.
ELAINEHey, grab Jerry's sweater for me, would you?
JERRYWhat's it like out?
ELAINEChilly out.
JERRYCan I take a sweater?
ELAINEYeah, you can take a sweater if you want to.
JERRYScarf?
ELAINENah, hey, shut this off, shut it off.
JERRYWhat's the matter? What's going on?
KRAMERWhat happened?!
ELAINEWhat?
KRAMERI think I hit my head again!
JERRYWhat is wrong?!
ELAINEHey, hey, wait a minute! Let me ask you something. Kramer, the last time you hit your head, was Mary Hart on TV?
KRAMERYeah.
ELAINEThat is it!
KRAMERWhat?
ELAINEThat is it! Mary Hart's voice, don't you see? There's something about Mary Hart's voice that's giving you seizures. Just like, just like, just like that woman in Albany!
KRAMERMary Hart!
GEORGEGod.
ELAINEWhat?
GEORGEWell she apologized, and then she wanted to know if we could get together Wednesday afternoon.
JERRYGet together?
GEORGEMaybe she just wants to talk to me?
ELAINEMarried women don't 'get together'. They have affairs.
GEORGEOh my God, an affair. That's so adult. It's like with stockings and martinis, and William Holden. On the other hand it probably wouldn't cost me any money.
ELAINEAre you actually considering this?
GEORGEI can't have an affair with a married woman, that's despicable!
ELAINEYeah, it's like hitting a car and driving away without leaving a note.
JERRYYeah.
KRAMERHey, you know who owns that car?
JERRYWhat car?
KRAMERThe one that was hit a couple of nights ago.
JERRYYeah who?
KRAMERThat blond across the street. You know the one with the long ponytail, she wears those blue sweatpants.
JERRYThe blond with the blue sweatpants! Yeah, I think I've seen her.
ELAINEWell I've got to get going. I'm meeting a guy with grey sweatpants.
KRAMERWait, wait, wait, how do you know it's not John Tesh?
JERRYThe blond with the blue sweatpants!
GEORGEWell, who is she?
JERRYI've had a crush on this woman for year! I've always been afraid to approach her! She looks like she belongs on one of these Hallmark cards.
GEORGEOh right, right! The blue sweatpants! Gees, it's too bad you can't say anything because of Angela.
JERRYOh yeah. Too bad. Angela. Lousy thug. I mean what kind of sick person does something like that? That woman belongs in prison! I mean, I actually owe it to society to do something about this! I can't sit by and allow this to go on. It's a moral issue is what it is!
GEORGEYou can't compromise your principles!
JERRYHow am I going to live with myself?!
GEORGECan't live!
JERRYI'm not religious, but I certainly know where to draw the line!
GEORGEThis country needs more people like you!
JERRYDon't sell yourself short saying 'God bless you' to every Tom, Dick and Harry in great personal risk.
GEORGEI believe strongly in that as you know.
JERRYThere should be more people like us.
GEORGEThat's why the world's in the shape it's in.
JERRYYou're telling me.
JERRYAnyway, I just wanted you to know, that I'm going to do everything I can to make sure the party responsible is made to be responsible or something very close to that.
BECKYWell God bless you.
JERRYThank you very much.
GEORGEOh my God. I must be crazy. What have I done?
ROBINOh no, what's wrong?
GEORGEWhat's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. I just committed adultery!
ROBINYou didn't commit adultery, I did.
GEORGEOh yeah.
ROBINIf I didn't do it with you, I would have done it with someone else.
GEORGEWell, I wouldn't want you to do that. You know there's a lot of losers out there.
ROBINMaybe even someone who didn't say 'God bless you'.
GEORGEWell, that's a given.
ROBINIn three years with Michael, not one 'God bless you'.
GEORGEMust be hell living in that house.
MICHAELHi, it's Michael.
ELAINEHi, Michael!
MICHAELIs Robin there?
ELAINERobin? No, why?
MICHAELUh, she said she was going to be with you.
ELAINENo I haven't spoken to her all day-uh, yeah right, um, as a matter of fact, um, she was here, and she uh, left a note, but I wasn't here, but I have the note, uh, right here.
MICHAELIf she's not with you, then where is she?
ELAINEWell I, I don't know.
MICHAELIs she with your bald friend from the other night?!
ELAINENo, no, come on Michael!
MICHAELHe's finished! I'm going to sew his ass to his face! I'm going to twist his neck so hard his lips will be his eyebrows! I'm going to break his joints, and reattach them!
ELAINEYou're soo good lookin'.
ANGELANow you listen to me, suck face! You tell anybody, anything, and I will carve my initials in your brain tissue!
JERRYLet me rephra-
ANGELAI'll bash your skull into a vegematic like a bad cabbage, and I'll have a party on your head!
JERRYHi Elaine, this is Angela.
ANGELAI'll pluck all your body hairs out with my teeth!
JERRYWell I think I get the gist of it.
ANGELASo you don't say anything to anybody about me hitting that car!
JERRYWhat car?
ANGELAGood. I'm glad we understand each other.
JERRYIt's not complicated.
ELAINEVery nice meeting you!
ELAINECome on up.
ELAINEWell, well, well, Mr. Seinfeld! That must have been so frightening! When you confronted that guy, in Queens! Now, let's just see if I've got this scenario right.
JERRYAlright Elaine.
ELAINENo, no, no, no, no. Because I'm picturing 'French Connection', kind of thing. You know? Sort of a Popeye Doyle chase through the city!
JERRYIt was just a couple of blocks.
ELAINEOh no, no, come on. Don't be so modest!
GEORGEHey.
ELAINEOh, did you check you machine?
GEORGENo, why, what's happening?
ELAINEMichael called me today, and he asked me where Robin was.
GEORGEYeah, okay.
ELAINEAnd I said I hadn't seen her.
GEORGEWhat?!
ELAINENo, no George! You don't understand! She didn't tell me she was using me as an excuse! Okay?! But then I realized what was going on, and I said that she left a note. Um, but he didn't really buy that. And then, and then he did mention your name.
GEORGEHe mentioned my name?! What did he say?!
ELAINEHe said he was going to sew your ass to your face.
GEORGEWhat? Why couldn't you think of something?!
ELAINEWell I don't know, he caught me off guard!
GEORGEYou lie! How hard is it to lie?!
JERRYIt's not that hard.
ELAINEWell who told you to sleep with her George?!
GEORGEIt's not my fault! I wasn't going to do anything until you got her all juiced up with your story about having the affair with the matador!
ELAINEOh Gosh! None of this would never have happened if you wouldn't have said 'God bless you'!
GEORGEOh don't-
JERRYHold it! Hold it! Hold it people! Matador? What matador?
GEORGEShe told this couple she had an affair with a matador.
JERRYA matador! Well, well, well. Uno momento por favor. Pray tell, what was the young man's name?
ELAINEUh, Eduardo, uh, Carochio.
JERRYEduardo, Carochio! That's good. That's very good. Kind of just rolls of the tongue. I wonder where on the upper west side a single girl might meet a matador? Perhaps Zabars? Or Les Pizza!
JERRYAnyway, this person told me to tell you to get an estimate on the damage.
BECKYWell, I already got an estimate. It's $875.
JERRY$875?
BECKYThat's right.
JERRYUh, well, I'll tell you what. Um, I'll give you a check, and then this person can pay me back.
JERRYUm, who do I make it out to?
BECKYBecky Gelke. G-E-L-K-E.
JERRYSo, what are you doing this weekend?
BECKYYou have got some nerve! You smash up my car, you don't admit it, and now you want to ask me out on a date?
JERRYI didn't do it!
BECKYYeah righ-
JERRYYou are soo good lookin'.
BECKYThank you.
GEORGEJerry, let's go! You ready?
JERRYYou sure you want to do this? I'm going to be on the road for three weeks!
GEORGEExcuse me, I've got a maniac stalking me, I'm not staying in the city.
JERRYAlright!
GEORGECome on let's get out of here.
KRAMERHow could you?
JERRYWhat?!
KRAMERMan! I never thought you were capable of this!
JERRYWhat did I do?
KRAMERI just talked to Becky Gelke outside, she told me how you hit and ran.
JERRYI-
KRAMERI don't even want to look at you anymore! All these years of friendship and you're nothing but a felon. You're an embarrassment to the building.
JERRYI didn't do it! I just had to pay her to cover for somebody else!
KRAMERNow you're not going to lie to me, are you?
JERRYNo, never.
KRAMERAlright. Well. Glad we got that straightened out because I've got a date with her.
JERRYYou got a date with Becky Gelke?!
KRAMERYeah, going out with her Saturday night.
GEORGEJerry, can we get out of here?!
KRAMERAs a matter of fact, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have even had an excuse to talk to her.
JERRYWell I'm happy to help, in any way that I can.